Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Loving Your Day Job and Your Life
Loving Your Day Job and Your Life
by Laura Rowley
Monday, February 15, 2010
Back in 2007, bored and frustrated with her day job as an office administrator, New York musician, artist and writer Summer Pierre wrote and illustrated a 'zine about her double life.
"I wanted to make something that honors the fact that most of us have two lives and that takes A LOT of energy," the California native wrote on her blog. "I also wanted to make something that could be an easy reminder that you are living your ONE life right now (not later) -- why not enjoy it as much as you can -- with a day job or not."
Pierre's whimsical handbook was a hit with struggling artists as far away as Japan, New Zealand and Egypt. "The Artist in the Office: How to Creatively Survive and Thrive Seven Days a Week," was published in paperback this month by Perigree. The book offers inspiration and practical tips not only to frustrated artists, but alienated workers clinging to jobs they hate, reluctant to move on because of the tough economy.
"I think a lot of people just make their living and do everything else after work and on weekends," says Pierre, 37. "They feel a little bit dead, a little bit tired, and they think that's how you have to do it. The book is not only for artists but anyone who feels they are cramming their real life into after-work and weekends."
What Might Not Be the Answer
Pierre offers tips on setting priorities, making the office an object for creativity, getting a fresh perspective on work and shaking up your routine. But I was most intrigued by her thoughts on money and happiness.
While many people think money is the answer to their problems, "thinking about money can also be the source of our problems," Pierre writes. "We equate money as a means for pleasure, and yet we put making money in front of creating or experiencing pleasure. We think in amounts of money, but not in sanity or joy. For some of us, having lots of money might mean 'the good life' but we never ask ourselves, 'what does that good life look like specifically?'"
Pierre gives an example of a decision she made when she was unhappy in her full-time day job. "I was thinking about going to graduate school, which would have meant spending more money, when I realized what I really wanted from graduate school was more time to do art, and school somehow legitimized it," she says.
Instead of investing thousands of dollars in a graduate program, she went part-time in her day job.
"As a result I actually didn't miss the money at all, because I didn't need to buy things to make me feel better about my life," Pierre recalls. "Having four days off a week was such a luxury to me, I stopped needing things. If you start making larger choices based on your values and priorities, you stop needing other stuff to give you that inspiration -- so I needed less money."
I clearly recall that austere sense of joy, when happiness meant working as a writer, living in a charming Manhattan apartment and owning a good pair of running shoes. Then I married and had three kids. I realized that the paycheck that facilitates a pint-sized rental and $100 Nikes would not fund three college educations.
And since I value educating my kids without the indentured servitude of massive student loan debt, I began to take on projects that lacked a certain inherent joy. However, they did wonders for my 529 college savings plans contributions. It was a light bulb moment when I recognized that earning money doing less engaging work that supports your values is a different kind of joy, but a joy nonetheless.
Changing Perspective
Pierre makes this very point in her book for the parents, artists and others leading quiet work lives of desperation: Savor what the job offers, rather than ruminating on the negatives.
"Look to what is working for you: What are the things you are being provided with through this job?" she says. "Maybe it's being able to pay bills on time or have weekends to yourself. There are always little elements that are working for us." In one of her unhappy office gigs, Pierre focused on being able to walk to the ocean at lunchtime and having a boss who became an important friend and mentor.
(Incidentally, I asked Pierre if she had children, and found out she gave birth in January in a traffic jam on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway; her son Gus arrived in the back of a livery cab. She recounts the harrowing tale, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Birthing Center" on her blog. Warning: This post may not be suitable for expectant mothers.)
Among Pierre's other tips to boost happiness on the job:
-- Avoid office gossip like the plague. "I love good dirt, it's really fun, it's a way to get intimacy with other people -- but it's like a drug. You get a good high but nothing changes," Pierre says. "It's draining, and often continues to breed negativity. What's underlying gossip is frustration and boredom, and it doesn't actually get you to do anything about that. It sounds Pollyanna, but (avoiding gossip) is a way of training your brain to look toward the light."
-- Think small steps. "Don't think in terms of all or nothing -- think in terms of a little bit here and there, actually getting creative work done," she says, whether it means waking up 30 minutes earlier or disconnecting the cable. "Know that you are living your priorities, and if you like watching TV every night and don't have time to do other things, there's nothing wrong with that. Just acknowledge that those are your priorities."
-- Find life conspirators. "The friends who make you feel most alive are life conspirators," she explains. "I think collaborators are really key because so often we feel isolated and the world doesn't mirror back to us who we are." The Latin etymology of conspire is "to breathe together," she points out, and conspirators help breathe life into our plans, "to usher us into the life we really want."
-- Finally, figure out what abundance looks like. "Often what we want from monetary wealth is really just a sense of abundance," Pierre writes. "But abundance is not about how much money you have, it's about how much you are enjoying your life."
For Pierre, that can be as simple as a favorite pair of jeans and a good cup of coffee. Pierre says she's not rolling in dough, but feels abundant, "because I know what gives me joy and meaning and that is where my energy goes.”
by Laura Rowley
Monday, February 15, 2010
Back in 2007, bored and frustrated with her day job as an office administrator, New York musician, artist and writer Summer Pierre wrote and illustrated a 'zine about her double life.
"I wanted to make something that honors the fact that most of us have two lives and that takes A LOT of energy," the California native wrote on her blog. "I also wanted to make something that could be an easy reminder that you are living your ONE life right now (not later) -- why not enjoy it as much as you can -- with a day job or not."
Pierre's whimsical handbook was a hit with struggling artists as far away as Japan, New Zealand and Egypt. "The Artist in the Office: How to Creatively Survive and Thrive Seven Days a Week," was published in paperback this month by Perigree. The book offers inspiration and practical tips not only to frustrated artists, but alienated workers clinging to jobs they hate, reluctant to move on because of the tough economy.
"I think a lot of people just make their living and do everything else after work and on weekends," says Pierre, 37. "They feel a little bit dead, a little bit tired, and they think that's how you have to do it. The book is not only for artists but anyone who feels they are cramming their real life into after-work and weekends."
What Might Not Be the Answer
Pierre offers tips on setting priorities, making the office an object for creativity, getting a fresh perspective on work and shaking up your routine. But I was most intrigued by her thoughts on money and happiness.
While many people think money is the answer to their problems, "thinking about money can also be the source of our problems," Pierre writes. "We equate money as a means for pleasure, and yet we put making money in front of creating or experiencing pleasure. We think in amounts of money, but not in sanity or joy. For some of us, having lots of money might mean 'the good life' but we never ask ourselves, 'what does that good life look like specifically?'"
Pierre gives an example of a decision she made when she was unhappy in her full-time day job. "I was thinking about going to graduate school, which would have meant spending more money, when I realized what I really wanted from graduate school was more time to do art, and school somehow legitimized it," she says.
Instead of investing thousands of dollars in a graduate program, she went part-time in her day job.
"As a result I actually didn't miss the money at all, because I didn't need to buy things to make me feel better about my life," Pierre recalls. "Having four days off a week was such a luxury to me, I stopped needing things. If you start making larger choices based on your values and priorities, you stop needing other stuff to give you that inspiration -- so I needed less money."
I clearly recall that austere sense of joy, when happiness meant working as a writer, living in a charming Manhattan apartment and owning a good pair of running shoes. Then I married and had three kids. I realized that the paycheck that facilitates a pint-sized rental and $100 Nikes would not fund three college educations.
And since I value educating my kids without the indentured servitude of massive student loan debt, I began to take on projects that lacked a certain inherent joy. However, they did wonders for my 529 college savings plans contributions. It was a light bulb moment when I recognized that earning money doing less engaging work that supports your values is a different kind of joy, but a joy nonetheless.
Changing Perspective
Pierre makes this very point in her book for the parents, artists and others leading quiet work lives of desperation: Savor what the job offers, rather than ruminating on the negatives.
"Look to what is working for you: What are the things you are being provided with through this job?" she says. "Maybe it's being able to pay bills on time or have weekends to yourself. There are always little elements that are working for us." In one of her unhappy office gigs, Pierre focused on being able to walk to the ocean at lunchtime and having a boss who became an important friend and mentor.
(Incidentally, I asked Pierre if she had children, and found out she gave birth in January in a traffic jam on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway; her son Gus arrived in the back of a livery cab. She recounts the harrowing tale, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Birthing Center" on her blog. Warning: This post may not be suitable for expectant mothers.)
Among Pierre's other tips to boost happiness on the job:
-- Avoid office gossip like the plague. "I love good dirt, it's really fun, it's a way to get intimacy with other people -- but it's like a drug. You get a good high but nothing changes," Pierre says. "It's draining, and often continues to breed negativity. What's underlying gossip is frustration and boredom, and it doesn't actually get you to do anything about that. It sounds Pollyanna, but (avoiding gossip) is a way of training your brain to look toward the light."
-- Think small steps. "Don't think in terms of all or nothing -- think in terms of a little bit here and there, actually getting creative work done," she says, whether it means waking up 30 minutes earlier or disconnecting the cable. "Know that you are living your priorities, and if you like watching TV every night and don't have time to do other things, there's nothing wrong with that. Just acknowledge that those are your priorities."
-- Find life conspirators. "The friends who make you feel most alive are life conspirators," she explains. "I think collaborators are really key because so often we feel isolated and the world doesn't mirror back to us who we are." The Latin etymology of conspire is "to breathe together," she points out, and conspirators help breathe life into our plans, "to usher us into the life we really want."
-- Finally, figure out what abundance looks like. "Often what we want from monetary wealth is really just a sense of abundance," Pierre writes. "But abundance is not about how much money you have, it's about how much you are enjoying your life."
For Pierre, that can be as simple as a favorite pair of jeans and a good cup of coffee. Pierre says she's not rolling in dough, but feels abundant, "because I know what gives me joy and meaning and that is where my energy goes.”
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
99 year overdue book!
NEW BEDFORD, Mass. – The book returned to the New Bedford Public Library in Massachusetts this week wasn't overdue by a week, a month or even a year. It was nearly a century overdue, and the fine came to $361.35.
"Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country" was supposed to have been returned by May 10, 1910.
Stanley Dudek told the Standard Times newspaper he came across the book while going through things that had belonged to his mother, who died about 10 years ago. He decided that returning the book to the city was the right thing to do.
The overdue book fine was a penny a day in 1910. But Dudek wasn't asked to pay it.
The library plans to display the book in its special collection.
"Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country" was supposed to have been returned by May 10, 1910.
Stanley Dudek told the Standard Times newspaper he came across the book while going through things that had belonged to his mother, who died about 10 years ago. He decided that returning the book to the city was the right thing to do.
The overdue book fine was a penny a day in 1910. But Dudek wasn't asked to pay it.
The library plans to display the book in its special collection.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Exciting Blog- Non Fiction
http://www.futilitycloset.com/
Thank you to Ann Owens for finding this blog. I really like the Art Section. Check it out!
Thank you to Ann Owens for finding this blog. I really like the Art Section. Check it out!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Talking Dog for Sale!!
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever
sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time
at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some
undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap.'
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever
sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time
at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some
undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap.'
Thursday, April 30, 2009
WD-40 Amazing Stuff!!
WD 40
Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is?
Don't lie and don't cheat.
WD-40. Who knew? I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed!
WD-40 who knew? 'Water Displacement #40' The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'water displacement' compound.. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you. When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door.. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stove top ... Viola! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.
Here are some other uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps flies off cows.
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22. Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes splattered grease on stove.
32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain
37. Florida 's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'
38. The favorite use in the state of New York , WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!
43. If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.
Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is?
Don't lie and don't cheat.
WD-40. Who knew? I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed!
WD-40 who knew? 'Water Displacement #40' The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'water displacement' compound.. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you. When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door.. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stove top ... Viola! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.
Here are some other uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps flies off cows.
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22. Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes splattered grease on stove.
32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain
37. Florida 's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'
38. The favorite use in the state of New York , WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!
43. If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Happy Happy Spring!
One of my co-workers forwarded this piece that will have you dancing along in your workspace. I loved the audience reactions!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
We can learn a lot from animals~
If only people were as good to each other as animals are to each other.
They are so smart!
Friday, February 27, 2009
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.
It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. Without anyone watching you and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.
It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. Without anyone watching you and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
Monday, February 9, 2009
La La La Lawyers
These hilarious exchanges are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'. They were recorded verbatim and published by Court Reporters that had the torment of staying calm and remaining professional while these exchanges were actually taking place.
> > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
> forgot?
> WITNESS: How would I know?
> ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________ ___________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty -- much like your IQ. ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
> get a new attorney?
___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with 'a male'.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
> go to?
> WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
> And the best for last:
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
> for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive -- and
> practicing law.
>
> THINK ABOUT IT! MOST MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE LAWYERS.
> > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
> forgot?
> WITNESS: How would I know?
> ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________ ___________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty -- much like your IQ. ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
> get a new attorney?
___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with 'a male'.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
> go to?
> WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
> And the best for last:
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
> for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive -- and
> practicing law.
>
> THINK ABOUT IT! MOST MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE LAWYERS.
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